This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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