did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
