Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
