DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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