there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want her autograph on my taint
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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