Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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