I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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