I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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