yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
