so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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