you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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