next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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