I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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