his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
