We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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