Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
