She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Success! We fucked roommates!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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