ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
