I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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