WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
