I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A bitchslap is in order.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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