i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
