We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
