i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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