p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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