it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
