Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
