Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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