You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
