Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
