Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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