if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
