New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
