It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
