Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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