You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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