Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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