Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
