stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
