I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
