No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
