You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
