And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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