Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
