Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
