ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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