oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
