i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
