Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
