Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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