I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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