I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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