Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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