Barsexuality is the new black.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
