You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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