I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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