No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
