Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
