Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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