Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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