..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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