I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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