Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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