Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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