Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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