I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
