Quick, to the slutcave!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
