What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
