I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
