Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
