it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
