Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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