the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
