Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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