I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
