I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
