I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
